Well, not sure how I would define "right" but in terms of me taking part in local sports competitions, for me that means gettting a result which is respectable. It doesn't even have to be a win. It just means finishing in a time or a position that is not in last place, or one of the last few finishers. It means getting a result which looks like you trained a little and took the competition at least half seriously.
I finished 134th out of 372 runners in the cross country running race yesterday. I completed the 6.5km course in 28mins 1s. The winner did 20mins 48s. That doesn't sound like a result to set the world on fire but then again the last finisher took more than 52 minutes, and I beat a couple of women who completely trounce me in the cycle races. So I am pleased with my result.
This sort of thing is good for me as I sometimes get pretty fed up when I turn up at cycle race after cycle race and come last or 2nd or 3rd last. It gets abit tiresome and quite demoralising. Of late my goal has been to not come last. Many times I have failed to achieved that. And in a few cases not only did I finish last but I finished way off the back, like even a lap down on the person who finished in 2nd last position.
The irony of the result that I achieved yesterday is these days I don't consider myself to be a runner. I describe myself as a cyclist. True, running is the sport that I first took up and have done it since a very young age, but these days I don't do any specific running training. I run 5km once or twice a week to keep my weight down, but I don't do any hill reps, track sessions or fartlek. I spend much more time in the cycling environment. I ride my bike to work, I go on the rollers and the turbo trainer when I'm home, I even go through phases of doing intervals and hill reps. I have done lots of cyclo sportives and long distance bike rides. But for some reason my cycling efforts just don't seem to convert into anything useful in a race. Or at least that's how it feels.
Last week's cyclo cross race had a field of 41 women of various levels from all around the country. I finished in 39th place. One of the women who finished behind me was a team mate who had suffered with stomach cramps during the race so was obliged to slow right down. So in reality I would have finished 2nd last. I rode the course as though it was my first ever cyclo cross race. I had no confidence. When I finished the race I was not out of breath because part way through I couldn't see the point in riding hard only to lose places by falling down, failing to remount the bike properly or just generally making an ass of myself on the corners.
I felt ashamed to see the guy who first got me into cyclo cross in 2003 watching me ride no better than I did all those years ago. When he arranged the London teams to ride the Inter-Area Champs back then I finished 2nd last - just like last Sunday. "You may not believe it," I said to him, "but I do actually train, honest." And I just skulked away feeling like a laughing stock and a complete failure.
I have had these feelings on more than one occasion after a cycle race, and I have really begun to develop a complex where I believe that many riders won't give me the time of the day now because they don't see me as someone who can be bothered with their racing if I'm turning up week in, week out with a poor run of results.
So, finishing the way I did yesterday at the Surrey League cross country race at Denbies Vineyard was a real boost to my sporting ego. It made me feel that I could do something reasonably well. I don't train much for running, but yet I am able to pull out respectable results in the races. This is the sweetspot that I need every now and again to keep me soldiering on and persevering! Hopefully, this "can do" feeling will seep into the cycling aspect of my training.
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