The local women's cycling league that I had been involved in came to an end last week. It was a bit of damp squib, but I'm glad that it's over. I shouldn't say this, I suppose. But really, I'd been wanting to get out of it for a while. It could have been a case of a fond farewell, with a speech about how I've enjoyed it and am passing the reigns on to someone else. But I can't be bothered with all that sentimentality.
In truth I should have stepped down at the end of last year, after the inaugural league and prize giving. But I thought I should do just one more year to bed things in. This proved not to be the best move because I got tired of it fairly near the start and no longer felt commited, but didn't know how to step down at that stage.
The fact of the matter is that even the first year the league had been hard work for me. To get these things rolling you need a lot of energy, commitment, dynamism and willingness to motivate others and get them on board. I had done all that, and that's why it proved to be successful. The fear of failure and the wish to prove myself kept me going. Everything went well in 2010. However, once I'd proven to myself and to others that I was capable I wanted out. I sweated and grafted hard to achieve this and it had made me tired in the process. I was like a swan. Wherever I went I seemed to manage it all rather gracefully, sometimes even seamlessly. But people had just not been aware of the endless emails, telephone calls, running around, social networking (both on and off line) as well as making sure the whole show was coordinated.
It had tired me out, cost me my racing season, I had sacrificed other projects. It had literally cost me. There were occasions when I hired a car using my own money to drive to a race that I wasn't even racing in - just because it was a league race and I had felt an obligation to be there.
Sure, people appreciated my efforts and had really enjoyed the league. But I received nothing for it. No payment, no perks, no recognition, no job. And that was the snag. At the time when the 2011 league should have been getting underway I found myself out of work. I was busy running around trying to find work, and struggling to put food on the table. With my CV in my bag, detailing my achievements, including those with the league I knocked at many doors and was turned away. I was rejected even without interview from jobs where they were looking for women's cycling development officers. I felt I ticked the boxes, but I didn't get a look in. At quite a few jobs my women's league activities had just been seen as extra curricular activities that were largely ignored. Recruiters wanted to see what I had done at a professional level in sports promotion and development. The answer was a big fat zero. So, I'd spent a large amount of time running around co-ordinating a significant project but in the grand scheme of things it counted for nothing. People were very happy for me to run these types of projects for nothing. But when it came to payment, I was apparently not good enough or experienced enough to be paid for my efforts. Couple that with the fact that a few sponsors of the league had let us down and I had to run around finding others, as well as the fact that about half the women who had said they would help with the league suddenly disappeared.
I concluded that this was a project that had no mileage for me, so I resolved to do just the bare minimum. It made me feel sick when people and women were asking me to do things. They asked me because they knew I was capable of organising things and getting things off the ground. But it still made me sick because no one knew how much work it was for me, and they assumed that these were effortless tasks. Somehow they could get away with not helping on the grounds that they had work, training and other things that kept them busy. They seemed not to realise that I was in the same boat but still had to carry this enormous baby.
Luckily I had help from a couple of girls - one who took care of admin duties, and another one who updated the website and did the rankings. We had a woman who put herself forward as a press/publicity officer but then she suddenly went AWOL a couple of months into the project. I did what was necessary, and that was it. At one of the local races the women from our league, like other local clubs had to provide marshals on one particular week for a local race. We needed 10 women, but yet we struggled to get the numbers. Many women turned up at the race, but they came over to race. They had no intention of helping out. In the end we had to make up the numbers by getting some of the men to be marshals. It was truly disappointing, and it made my blood boil the way that some of the women, at the end of the race were bragging on about how well they raced blah blah blah - but yet they showed no gratitude for the volunteers who had given up their time on the umpteenth occasion to stage this race. These women couldn't even marshal just once. I made a decision not to do the prize giving. But one of the girls helping me felt that it was our duty to run it and we should honour our commitment to doing so. It could also be a time to let people know about the need for folks to get involved and help. Overall, people had noticed that the league was not the same as last year. It did not have the same buzz. I know that. It was because I hadn't put in the enthusiasm, and I had no reason or incentive to spearhead this project so avidly, like I had done last year.
Our prize giving this year was a downer. Where last year we had a packed cafe with standing room only - around 80 people, this time we had just 15 people turn up. It was slightly embarrassing as I was MC for the night and I was talking to the women cyclists sat at two of the tables in the cafe. The rest of the folks at the other six tables in the cafe were there for a social night out that had nothing to do with cycling!
A girl from a clothing company had made a unilateral decision to sponsor us late in the summer. For me, she was one big bugbear. She had unilaterally decided that what our league needed was sponsorship and that she would be our guardian angel turning up with her expensive brand of women's cycle clothing to give out as prizes. Fair enough. But what really galled me was that she had no interest in knowing how the league was working, or helping us with our infrastructure. Her words were that she could tell us what to do, but she wouldn't be doing it. So she had assumed that I didn't have a clue what to do!!?? Fine. What she didn't seem to understand is that it's people like myself who make sure that there is any league at all for her brand to sponsor. I have become sceptical of sponsors in recent months. They prey on voluntary not-for-profit outfits like the league because its free advertising. Even if they gave away 10 jerseys that are valued at £100 each that still represents good value for a season long campaign for them. Cyclists would be wearing their jerseys at races and they'd be getting press and photographic coverage. And what would unpaid people like myself get?
On the night of the prize giving the prize winners were very happy with their stylish jerseys and this marketing manager became their new best friend. Me and the other two who had worked hard to keep this league running got absolutely zilch - not even a pair of socks or a water bottle.
People were naturally surprised and disappointed at the low turnout. Some people even wrote to me saying we could have done such and such to generate more publicity and get more people to attend. The fact is, I know exactly what we could have done to get the turnout. Of course I know, I did it last year. It's a question of whether it's worth my while doing it. And what people don't realise is that I had concluded that it wasn't.
I wasn't surprised or disappointed at the low turnout. Sure, it would have been nicer to have had a packed room. And it would have made for a better farewell to the league. But frankly, my emotions wouldn't have been any different. I was tired of people taking advantage of my talent without me getting any proper reward for it, and I was sick of corporate organisations using us as free publicity. Anything that made me feel like I wasn't being exploited was the most favourable feeling for me!
Some people later emailed me saying they would like to be involved in the plans for next year. Well, they are talking to the wrong person. I will be having no hand in it at all. I'd better draft a resignation letter.
